Once upon a time in a land far away (called Florida) there was
a trailer park, and in the middle of this trailer park there was a pond,
and in this pond lived a very nice and well respected family of frogs.
The youngest frog was called Fred. Every night Fred’s brothers and
sisters left the pond to find nice frogs of the opposite sex to be friends
with, but poor Fred, he was the youngest, too young to leave the safety
of the pond and his mommy frog. So every night when his brothers
and sisters went out, Fred sat in his pond and looked up at the stars and
wished that he could go there. See, Fred was sure that on stars little
frogs could leave the pond along with their brothers and sisters.
One night, after Fred’s mommy had gone to sleep, Fred did a very
bad thing?he snuck out of the pond. Fred was hopping along the streets
of the trailer park when all of a sudden he was flying through the air
on a giant hand. He thought his wish was coming true and he was going
to see the stars but instead . . . SPLAT . . . no, just kidding, but instead
he was looking into the beautiful blue-green eyes of a little girl.
“Hello frog,” said the little girl, “will you be my friend?”
Fred did not jump out of the little girl’s hand even though he could; instead
he smiled and looked up at the stars.
Every night after that Fred would sneak out of the pond to meet
the little girl. Fred’s mommy knew he snuck out and she was sad because
she was afraid that she would lose her baby frog to the little girl, but
she loved Fred so she didn’t tell him she knew. The little girl would
tell Fred wonderful fairy tales, about knights with swords and maidens
in distress, and Fred would dream about going to the stars.
One day the little girl heard about a rocket launch near her
and she decided to go and promised to take Fred with her if it was alright
with his frog mommy. Fred was so excited he hopped right home and
told his mommy the good news. His mommy wished him well, kissed his
forehead, and then went to prepare for his sister’s wedding.
So Fred and the little girl went to the rocket launch.
The little girl was so happy that she picked Fred up and laid one on him.
Fred instantly turned into an . . . ASTRONAUT. Then a man came and
took Fred to the spaceship and when it took off Fred was on it.
The little girl was very happy for Fred but she was sad to lose
such a good friend and a cute frog. Some time later the little girl
heard on the news that the spaceship had disappeared.
Many years later, an old, old spaceship came crashing out of
the sky and into the ocean. A little later, a beautiful astronaut
washed up onto the shore. A beautiful girl who was once very little
and befriended a small frog was walking along the beach in a very prince
Eric like fashion and came upon the washed up astronaut. She took
off his helmet and noticed his complexion was slightly green. (Performing
emergency rescue breathing) the beautiful girl saved the astronaut and
his green complexion (and luckily managed to avoid him puking ion her mouth).
The astronaut, remembering his childhood friend, asked her to marry him,
even though he couldn’t really speak without ribbitting. Even though
the astronaut’s family was large, 20 brothers, 26 sisters and all their
spouses and children and stepchildren and half children etc. they fit in
a very small area, about the size of a pond (because they were and shall
forever be frogs). So the beautiful astronaut and the beautiful girl
were married and they were very happy. You see they never exchanged
a single kiss between them, for fear of another transformation (possibly
of the girl) and so they got twice as much as the average couple.
So the girl, the astronaut/frog lived in a big house with a big pond in
back and everyone lived as happily ever after as one can live in a messed
up 90’s fairy tale. THE END.